Friday, March 2, 2007

Thanks, Jake

The Many Faces of Jakie-Poo. The Common Theme? Behind Each One Lies a Crappy Quarterback

I gotta tell you, I've never been a big fan of Jake Plummer. Call me crazy, but I just don't like hair-brained QBs who divide their teams and fans due to a lethal combination of tantalizing potential mixed with an uncanny knack for screwing up at the most inopportune of times. So when the Jake Plummer to the Texans rumors started circulating back in November, I felt as if I'd just been forced to look at for 8 straight hours (if you've seen it, then you know what I mean. And if you haven't, whatever you do, do not try to find it. No really, I'm serious. I'm begging you. DON'T DO IT. Your life will never be the same. OK, fine. Just don't say I didn't warn you). I mean, really? This was what the Texans needed? After five years of David Carr disappointment, our solution was signing Jake Plummer? We went from having the opportunity to pick Vince Young to trading for Jake the Snake in the span of 12 months? Was this franchise hoping to play every home game in an empty Reliant Stadium (not the worst idea, actually, considering the caliber of football on display during most autumn Sundays)?

But today, Jakie-Poo took a step toward endearing himself to Texans' fans forever. On the verge of being traded to Tampa Bay, Plummer has seemingly decided to call it quits. Now, there is one caveat that must be added here: This could very well be Jake's way of taking matters into his own hands and ensuring that he'll be able to slither right up to Gary Kubiak and put on a Houston uniform after all. In which case, I can pretty much resign myself to writing more nasty columns about the Texans' suckitude for the next year or so. Good times.

In other news, wide receiver Ashley Lelie reportedly spent the day in H-town while he looks for a new city to call home. This just provides further proof that any former Bronco will be welcome here, anytime. Lelie would certainly make the Texans better on Madden, but I'm not sure how much of an impact he'd actually have in real life. Yes, Lelie would provide a much-needed injection of speed on offense, but he's been an underachiever from day one of his NFL career and the Texans still need to find themselves a quarterback willing and able to actually throw the ball further than 5 yards down the field.

Also, there are whispers that Ahman Green could be wearing steel blue this fall, too. I guess that's nice. I mean, who wouldn't want a former Pro Bowl RB with about one or two years left in his career? Sorry to be so negative, but it's just hard to get excited about a team whose ceiling for the 2007 season is .500 football. And, yes, I know the NFL landscape can change in a hurry, but let's be honest here. The Texans' forecast for the following seasons doesn't exactly call for roses and rainbows either.

And finally, here's a trade scenario for you to ponder over the weekend:

Let's pretend Green Bay is crazy enough to trade its first rounder for Randy Moss (as part of some package. I can't imagine Moss would fetch a mid-first rounder straight up, at this point). This would give Oakland the 14th pick in the draft, as well as the first overall. It would also be a perfect spot for the Texans to trade down. There, they could take Marshawn Lynch, Levi Brown, or a host of others.

So here's my proposal: How about trading the Raiders our #8 and David Carr (giving them a QB to throw to Calvin Johnson, whom the silver and black would select number one) for Oakland's newly-acquired #14, a second rounder and then the Raiders' 2008 second rounder as well?
Reasonable or no? Sound off.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And remember, new mock draft on the way early next week.

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